The Ugly Fan

Ok, I know that looks weird but this photo represents my day. It started something like this…

7:30 am

I’m so tired, please go away. I just want to sleep…

“Jaden, you can have toast or cereal.”

I think this might be an attack…

“Jaden, can you get me some potassium?”

What’s taking so long? It’s too late to get some from my bedside stash- my hands won’t be able to unscrew the bottle. 

Pretty soon I’ll have a hard time drinking it even with a straw… stop fighting over it and one of you just bring it in here!

“Jaden, can you get me a bendy straw please?”

“There are scissors right over there.”

“Just cut the edge of the package.”

“Can you move it over here to the bed so I can hold onto it?”

“Thanks Jaden. Go get ready for school.”

There is so much water in here. It’s taking forever to drink it all down. 

Boy am I sick of the taste of this stuff.

“Jaden you have to get dressed.”

“You’re underwear is in a laundry basket downstairs with Ari’s stuff.”

I need to put something else on the ceiling so I don’t have to stare at that fan all the time.

“Keep looking.”

“Can you get someone to help you?”

Oh no, I can’t believe it’s 8:15 already. Ugly fan. Only thing worse is when you’re on and then you shine right in my eyes.

“Jaden, you HAVE to get dressed. You’re going to be late!”

“Eric! Can you go downstairs and get Jaden some underwear and socks? The underwear is in a basket with a bunch of Ari’s clothes and the socks are in the dryer.”

Maybe I should paint the fan. Psychedelic swirls to keep me entertained.

“Thank you Eric.”

“Jaden! Kayli!”

“I can do you’re hair if you bring everything over here. I can sit up but I can’t stand up yet.”

“Yes, both of those. And the white spray bottle.”

“Jaden, you have to get dressed!”

“Eric brought them up, they are right here.”

If I’d gotten the braids done I wouldn’t have to do this every day. It’s going to be so hard to untangle.

“Good job Kayli. Do you need anything else?”


“Jaden, your pants are on backwards.”

“Your shirt is going on backwards too, turn it around before you put your arms in.”

“Yes, that’s the right shoe.”

“Just grab something quick like a granola bar you can eat in the car. You’re late!”

“I love you too. Have a good day at school!”

What was I thinking? Taking something from ugly to tacky won’t help. I just need to clean the room so I can look somewhere else. 

Is the tub, the floor, or my room bothering me more? I doubt I’ll have the energy to do any of them. 

I’m sorry I called you ugly fan at least I can’t see your dust.

“Eric, you have to eat something or take something with you. It’s better to be a couple minutes late if you have to. You have work right after seminary.”

Why is that so tiring when I didn’t even get out of bed?

Ah, my legs are working again. I’ve got to get up and get to the computer for Co-Op ordering.


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Could barely walk this morning so I had Eric bring me some potassium and open my window so I could watch the pouring rain. This is the view from where I lay in my bed. The rain was pelting the glass in a fascinating temper tantrum.

If you have to lay in bed for a half hour at least God gives you a good show every once in a while. I was so grateful that the grass was getting watered. We’ve managed not to kill it completely even though the one little bit of sprinkling system we have has been broken all summer. On the upside- we only have to mow about once every six weeks. 😉

I love the rain. I’ve always loved it. I love the sun too. That’s why I like it here. Not too much sun, not too much rain. I rode with Chad to Costco yesterday and waited in the car while he picked up a couple of things. Mainly so I could hang out with him without interruption and listen to and watch the rain on his sunroof.

I am so grateful that I notice the little things again. It’s like going through a dark tunnel and being surrounded by darkness for so long you almost forget what the sunshine looks like. When you come out the other side you notice everything. The trial might be hard, but the blessings are great!

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Handicapped Parking

I am so tired of parking in handicapped parking. I’m even more tired of not being able to park in handicapped parking because there aren’t enough spaces or a non-handicap car parked in it.

Eric, Jaden and I went to the grocery store and a quick stop at the library. The grocery store never has enough handicap parking. I rarely go. It’s just too hard in the wheelchair and the stores are so large. But Jaden had three dollars burning a hole in his pocket, we needed a few groceries, and I needed to fill Kayli’s prescription for her meds.

What was I thinking??? It was a nightmare. Jaden was all over the place, Eric was routinely blocking all the impatient just-grabbing-something-on-the-way-home-from-work people with the cart which isn’t hard since my wheelchair takes up tons of spaces as well.

I was also called to the pharmacy (it’s a long way to wheel yourself when your arms are as weak as mine!) and they can’t fill the prescription because it has to be filled within 30 days since it’s a controlled substance. No meds, I’m exhausted, and I still have errands to run without enough energy to do it.

I was really too tired to pick up my holds at the library but I needed to so off we went. My library card is still missing from sending kids in to pick up my holds so I had to go in so I could show ID. After trying to get a couple other books with my two kids in tow my nerves were shot.

There I was, having accomplished very little for the amount of time and energy it had taken, waiting for my son to put my wheelchair in the back of the van and I couldn’t stand the sight of that handicapped sign. I wanted to go places by myself again. I wanted to run quick errands again. I wanted to walk into a store like it wasn’t a big deal. I wanted my body strong again. I’m weak enough that my 13 year old daughter has to carry things for me because they are too heavy for me.

I wanted to shoot that sign, then beat it to oblivion. But the moment passed and I was grateful I had just enough energy to push the gas petal and get myself home without my son having to drive. He really does watch out for me. I’ve had to let him do a great many things for me.

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